Birashoboka ko nawe ujya wumva inkuru zitandukanye z’ibibera mu rushako, ndetse rimwe na rimwe ukumva ugize ubwoba bw’uko byazamera bitewe no gutinya ku bitangazwa ko nawe byakubaho. Hari ababifata nk’urwenya, nyamara hari iziba ari impamo.
Muri byinshi bivugwa, harimo ko igihe kigera uwo mwashakanye akakurambirwa cyangwa nawe ukamurambirwa mugatangira gucana inyuma.
Hari abavuga ko iyo abashakanye bamaze kubyara imfura yabo, umugore yimurira urukundo rwose ku mwana wavutse akaba atacyitaye ku mugabo.
Igihe kimwe nigeze kuganira n’inshuti yanjye, imbwira ko yigeze kubwirwa n’umugore washatse ko “hari ubwo iyo umugore amaze kubyara, umubiri we uhinduka ku buryo umugabo ahita yumva atakimukunze nka mbere”, bikaba byatera umugabo gutangira gushaka abandi bakobwa, agatangira kumuca inyuma.
Havugwa menshi ku rushako, nk’aho ngo iyo abashakanye bamaze kubyarana nka gatatu urukundo ruba rwashize, hagasigara urukunda abana.
Mbabazi Dorothy ni umubyeyi akaba n’umunyamakuru yabwiye UMUSEKE ko umubano w’abashakanye ushobora guhindurwa n’imitekerereze nyuma yo gushaka.
Avuga ko ibintu by’urushako bihera mu ntangiriro ko iyo ibiganiro byagenze neza mu kurambagizanya n’urushako rugenda neza.
Ati “Hari igihe ushobora gushakana n’umuntu mutarabanje kuganira, mutarabanje gutindana ugasanga
ntimuziranye, uburyo uganira n’umuntu wawe, haba mbere cyangwa na nyuma yo gushakana bigena umubano wanyu“.
Mbabazi avuga ko hakwiye kubanza kubaho ibiganiro hagati y’abagiye kubana bakamenyana byimbitse bikazabafasha mu mibanire yabo.
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Rukundo (izina ryahinduwe), yabwiye UMUSEKE ko hashobora kubaho kugabanuka k’urukundo hagati y’abashakanye, bitewe n’imitekerereze n’imigirire itandukanye.
Ati “Bibaho ko iyo abashakanye bamaranye igihe hashobora kubaho kugabanuka k’urukundo hagati yabo, ariko njyewe numva bitahuzwa no kuba umugore yabyaye cyangwa yahindutse mu miterere.”
Avuga ko yabihuza n’imyitwarire y’umwe mu bashakanye ugereranije n’uko yitwaraga mu gihe cyo kurambagizanya.
Ati “Hari ubwo mu kurambagizanya umukobwa yereka umuhungu ubwiza bw’inyuma ku mubiri, yitera ibirungo by’ubwiza yagera mu rugo ntakomeze kwiyitaho, umugabo yabona atakiri mwiza nka mbere agahita amurambirwa.”
Kuba hari bamwe mu bagabo iyo bageze mu rushako barambirwa gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina n’umuntu umwe ibyo hanze aha bita (guhorera indyo imwe). Yagize ati “Nimba umusore mbere yo gushaka yararyamanye n’abakobwa/abagore benshi, na nyuma yo gushaka ashobora kugereranya abo yabanje guhura na bo bityo agashaka guhindura“.
Impuguke zivuga iki ku mitekerereze y’abashakanye ituma umwe arambirwa mugenzi we ?
Nyandwi Daniel ni Umujyanama mu buzima bw’imitekerereze ndetse n’imyitwarire (Clinical Psychology Practitioner) yabwiye UMUSEKE ko umwe mu bashakanye ashobora kumva arambiwe mugenzi we.
Avuga ko hari ubwo umwe mu bashakanye, mu gihe cyo kurambagizanya hari uko yabonaga mugenzi we bikaba aribyo byamukuruye, nyuma iyo abibuze baramaze kubana bigira ingaruka.
Ati ”Hanyuma rero bya bindi yari amwitezeho cyangwa se kwa kundi yamubonaga n’uko yibwiraga ko ari ko azamumerera mu gihe baba babanye, hari igihe bamara kubana akagira n’izindi ngeso cyangwa se imyitwarire amubonaho atari yarigeze amubonaho muri cya gihe barimo barambagizanya.”
Nyandwi asanga uburere bw’umwe mu bashakanye bushobora kugena imitekerereze nyuma yo kubana.
Ati “Umuntu ataritaweho uko bikwiriye, bityo n’ubuzima bw’imitekerereze ye buba bwarangiritse, iyo ageze mu rugo rwe hari ibyo atahawe mu mikurire hari igihe na we abura icyo atanga, kuko nta we utanga icyo adafite.”
Avuga ko mu kurambagizanya hari ubwo umwe ahisha mugenzi we ingeso ze zikazavumburwa baramaze kubana, iyo hatabayeho kwihangana bitera kurambirana hagati y’abashakanye.
Ku bijyanye n’uko umwe mu bashakanye ashobora kurambirwa gukora imibonano na mugenzi we, agatangira kwifuza kuryamana n’abandi, Nyandwi avuga ko biterwa n’ibintu byinshi birimo gushaka kujyana n’aho isi igeze.
Ati “Abantu batangira gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina bakiri bato, bigatuma uwayikoze mbere yo gushaka atangira kugereranya uwo bashakanye n’abo yayikoze na bo mbere, ibi bikaba intandaro y’uko asanze umufasha we hari uko atayikora neza nk’abo bandi, byoroshye ko amuca inyuma.”
Nyandwi Daniel avuga kandi ko gushakana hagati y’abantu barushanya imyaka myinshi bishobora gukurura intekerezo zo gutandukana no gucana inyuma, umuto aba yifuza gusabana n’abo mu kigero cye.
Kuba umwe mu bashakanye akora akazi kamusaba gukoresha imbaraga nyinshi agataha ananiwe kandi mugenzi we afite imbaraga, ibi ngo bituma igikorwa cyo gutera akabariro kitagenda neza kuko unaniwe aba atari kugitekerezaho, ibi bigatuma mugenzi we amurambirwa kuko muri rusange iki gikorwa ari ipfundo ry’umubano mwiza w’abashakanye, iyo kitagenda neza, n’imitekerereze yabo irahinduka bikaba byatuma umwe arambirwa mugenzi we, aho byaba intandaro y’amakimbirane yo mu rugo.
Prof Bayisenge Jeannette, Minisitiri w’Uburinganire n’Iterambere ry’Umuryango aherutse kubwira itangazamakuru ko abagiye kurushinga ari ngombwa kubanza kubitekerezaho, bakabikora babyiyemeje.
Yagize ati “Injira mu rugo wumva ko ruzaramba, unakore ibishoboka kugira ngo rurambe, nibyanga ubwo nyine bizaba byanze, ariko winjiyemo ufite intego yo kurukorera ngo rurambe.”
Imiryango iba mu makimbirane, bikomeretsa abana, bikazabagiraho ingaruka mu gihe runaka.
IDUKUNDA KAYIHURA Emma Sabine / UMUSEKE.RW